Slowing Down

I have been slowing down on sharing myself lately. For many reasons.

First, I am worried about filling the void with meaningless interactions and thinking that I somehow need the attention to be loved. This is not unlike my teenage years when I thought making someone cum was my way to get love and positive affection. That is what my family taught me. My mom also taught me that it was important to have attention from men. I have been thinking about that a lot lately.

The other part of this is thinking about how much energy and bandwidth I have, and maybe I could devote my energy to other things. I have been mostly playing games on my phone, so this doesn’t add up at all. Sitting around bored, wanting to start reading again or get into a new show, but any time I put something new on, I can’t focus. Hoping to work on some of this soon. It is a hormone thing, so the connection to my teenage years is there for a reason. My mother always said it was hormones.

Today, though, I saw a post on Fet about how sharing our bodies does a lot of good for our confidence and mental health, especially those of us who see all those imperfections. When we see others with our body type online and see others playing with people with our body type, we can feel like we belong. This has always been the case for me with rope. That was my first love in kink. I loved seeing all types of bodies in rope because I wanted to see myself in rope.

Still trying to decide how to devote my time and energy. Part of it was wanting to make Daddy happy and devote more time to him, but I can still do that online. I can still give myself to him and give myself to me. I think that is the key. Not getting wrapped up in the idea that I am posting for someone else’s attention, anyone else’s attention.