Self Worth

It is getting close to that time of year where we take stock. We reflect on the year past and try to look ahead and imagine the year ahead.

I reflect all the time. That is just part of my overthinking brain that is obvious to those that read this blog and to the few people in this world that really know me.

One of the things I like to think on and play around with is degradation. I don’t know a love that is without criticism or objectification. I don’t know how to love without making myself into someone else.

To be honest, I have never been my own person. All my life I have been defined by someone else. I don’t hate that. I like having a purpose and having someone help me define that.

But as a kid, it was hard having any self worth. I thought I was too fat for anyone to like me. That is what my mother and grandmother made me believe. Then, when I had other people help me see my body type was not an issue for the right people, I started to look further inward and think there were other reasons deep down. I had spent too long being the perfect daughter that I didn’t become myself. Spent too long criticizing myself for not being the perfect sort of person.

Now that I have gotten older and my body is changing again both inside and out, I wonder where my self worth will land. I am trying to turn a new page of self discover and self care.

I am curious to see where the road takes me.