I was thinking about something this morning. Something about the person I am beyond the molding, masking, and emotional mirroring that can sometimes happen, especially when I connect with someone.
It can be hard for others to know me and hard for me to know myself, especially when the connections go away. And you’re left with a space where you can just be yourself.
I’m still the girl desperate for love in a way. I didn’t get positive attention in healthy ways, and that still lingers. I can sometimes be bothered by how I grab attention from others and how, when one person leaves my orbit, it seems someone else circles in. The girl in me wants that validation of being wanted, but the adult in me says, enough. I don’t need it.
I am also the teacher and the person who just wants to be kind. The one who tries to use my words to help people and make them laugh. I want to be a positive energy and feel like I can do good in this world. I don’t need to touch everyone’s lives, but if I can make one person’s day better, I will be happy.
I am the girl who loves a puzzle. An adventurer if my body had the confidence to be. I was the one to watch Indiana Jones over and over. Read Nancy Drew books. I still like watching true crime documentaries and horror shows. I like thrillers with surprise endings that I can hopefully figure out midway through.
I am the girl who wants a bit of magic in her life. I am into power exchange, but I am fine to admit it needs a bit of romance to it. I want to walk in the woods and feel the majesty of the space just as much as I want to be chased and captured in it.
I am the person on the spectrum in some ways who doesn’t know what to do if I don’t have a focus. But my cognitive abilities are declining, so just give me one thing to focus on at a time.
I am a girl who wants peace, but I want to share it with someone. I don’t want to be the girl who has to have an anchor or a partner, but I want to meet someone who shows me it is ok to be with them. They are special; they are worth fighting for; they are someone who is meant to be in your life for more than just a moment.
They are there with you in the quiet space so it is not so quiet that you feel alone.
