I was thinking about a song (5 Years Time by Noah and the Whale) and heard it this morning. Whenever he is gone, I hold on to that sentiment. It is an interesting upbeat thing with the whistling, but it also makes me sad to think there may be a time when we will forget each other. I don’t want that.
There is another song and scene that comes to mind, too. I have shared it before.
“And so, obviously, when someone comes in who you… you have a connection with… yeah. And Dawn was a ray of sunshine in my life, and it meant a lot. But, if I’m really being honest, I never really thought it would have a happy ending. I don’t know what a happy ending is. Life isn’t about endings, is it? It’s a series of moments. And umm… it’s not if, you know, if you turn the camera off it’s not an ending, is it. I’m still here, my life’s not over. Come back, come back here in 10 years, see how I’m doing then. Cause I could be married with kids, you don’t know. Life just goes on.” (Tim from The Office, Season 3 Episode 2)
All I needed was the love you gave / All I needed for another day / And all I ever knew / Only you (Yaz Only You)
Life does sometimes go on, but sometimes it just sits there, too. Sits dormant and waiting. Tim and Dawn got their happy ending. Not everyone does.
I was thinking, though, about that waiting or moving on piece. I want to continue to write. The last few months, I have felt something coming. I am a hypochondriac and worry about my words leaving me. I saw it happen with my mother. She likely had Parkinson’s, and as I feel the words struggling to get out and parts of my body twitching, I want to explain it. I want to have something to pin it on other than hormones. That was my mother’s excuse for everything, and she was right more than half the time, honestly. I always hated that.
But I have a need to use my words while I can. I loved it when he used his.
After finishing the journal idea, I have one more. I have started taking notes. It is our story, but I’m going to take a few liberties with it. Mostly because I don’t know how it ends yet. There haven’t been any big reveals. I want the happily ever after, still, if that is possible. Maybe I will build it in.
That is what I want to use my words for. I still want them to be his.
Lisa Gray 