There are two wolves inside me: the girl and the BRAT
The girl is the one who comes out for strangers and most people. She is the one full of kindness and compassion. She doesn’t want to be a burden on anyone. She just wants to give them a smile and make their lives better.
She is happy with whatever comes her way. She will take anything you give and be so appreciative. She will spend her time in the present, feeling that the universe is in control and providing everything she needs for now.
The BRAT is different. She comes out for only a select few, and if you see her, know that you make her feel safe to be seen (or her guard is down, and she doesn’t care what you think). She recognizes that life has been hard. She knows that all her life she has been given scraps or worse. She has been beaten and broken, ignored and not considered, and it is time to demand more. She will push and ask over and over again for what she wants and needs. Because she does have needs and limits clearly defined in her mind. She wants effort and energy because she knows how much she and the girl give. She knows the girl needs peace and love, and she will fight to get them and protect her. She will take, and she will be the one to keep control.
Both can be fun to play with. But sometimes it is not about the game. It is about balance. It is about touching on all of the things at once. Feeding the insecure little inside, antagonizing the BRAT by feeding the emotional masochist.
I want to give them both. I want both to be fed. Not one can handle all of it. They each need to come out and be petted and played with to help fuel me and sustain the connection.
Lisa Gray 