I wasn’t prepared for this. I didn’t know how he would make me feel. I didn’t think about the all-consuming feelings that would crowd my brain.
I have never even touched him, and this morning I was thinking about that phrase. I wasn’t prepared for this,” in relation to that.
If I feel this way now, what would it be like to have him close to me? Maybe it is better this way. To not know. To not demand that closeness. To not feel the weight of our want for each other physically. It is just so much emotionally.

At least you realize this now, and you’re now more ready for it if this happens again or if a situation seems like it will lead to this again.
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This is part of the weight of a thing that plays around in my head. I want to see him. I just don’t know if it is going to ever be offered again. Trying to decide how to set realistic expectations for myself.
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Fair enough.
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