New Year’s Resolutions

I am not one for resolutions or even goals anymore. Maybe I should be.

I am one for plunging into the springs and washing away any negative energy from the past year. I am ready for that feeling of making a fresh start, as I try to make that fresh start in my life this year. It is not really that different, just a shift. The same people are in my life, but in different ways and with more space to breathe.

I also have this superstition that whatever you do and whoever you see on New Year’s Day will be how and who you spend the year with.

So I am very disappointed that there are people I cannot see. People too far away.

Talking to Daddy today had me thinking about that. We have had several conversations about growth.

Like, sometimes it seems we get into power exchange dynamics for the fun of it and don’t see how it can change us. Or how each partner can provide a space to help the other grow.

I have had plenty of help in looking back and reflecting, but maybe it is time to see how I should grow. That is so hard for someone who has lived so many years for other people.

But it is time. It is time to be greedy. I will ask for all the things I want.

And in my greed and my neediness, I want their greed. I want to see it and feel it. I want to know what their sadistic hands feel like on me. I want to know what their loving heart feels like surrounding me.

And if I resolve anything, it will be to be the good girl, devoted and obedient when they need me to be, and the brat when they need me to answer to the sadist in them.