One of the online doms I had previously was all about helping me gain confidence. He was the one who encouraged me to journal and write. I do not kid myself into thinking I am all that good, but I do appreciate that I may have a voice that may relate to some people.
One of the things he liked to do was encourage his subs to post more and be active online. There was a huge level of manipulation in this as well, which was apparent, but the argument was that if we got comfortable with ourselves enough to post, we would gain confidence. And it is true, the more you post online, especially provocative, alluring content, the more confidence you present, whether you feel it or not.
The thing about this is, though, is he targeted specific types of people and made assumptions that all of them struggled with body image. I am not saying I do not have good and bad days on body image, but I have worked real fucking hard over the years to get my mother’s and grandmother’s voice out of my head. I no longer hear, You would be so much prettier if you were thinner or You’re not successful because you are fat. My body fluctuates so much, and my shape stays the same no matter if I weigh over 200 or I get down below 140. 150 seems to be my magic number. No matter what diet and exercise routine I have, I land near there. At 160, I look the healthiest as far as having a glow to my skin and hair that looks healthy.
The point, if there is one, is that we are all unique in the way we see ourselves and how we build confidence. For me, his trying to get me to post more pics did get me a little more dopamine hits, but it did not boost my confidence beyond where it was.
When I have low days, it is more about my words and my personality and being able to say the right thing at the right time. It is about being able to affect people or have an impact on their lives. Being able to attract someone with my mind and not my body. That was the big thing I still struggle with healing from. Having that need to be valued by someone. Having a man to take care of me. These were the lessons from childhood I still need to fight against.
Lisa Gray 