Do you ever get told that recognizing something about yourself is the hardest part? I hear it a lot, but there are things I recognize, and I have recognized them for a while because I am an overthinker and constantly looking inward, overanalyzing myself just as much as I overanalyze others.
But for me, the hardest part is finding the place to go from here. Finding me in there after all the emotional mirroring and molding myself into something to create peace and security for myself when it is so very rarely given to me. I don’t know me sometimes, and don’t know if I have the time and energy or the want anymore to do anything about it
And I don’t know what doing something about it looks like. I am guessing it will feel like another project to manage, something to cordinate, another thing to hyperfocus on when I have run out of things to hyper focus on.
Maybe it is time I give myself permission to rest. Let it be ok to be tired. Let the parts of me I know continue to be, like vegging out in front of a book or tv, engrossing myself in a story even when I don’t have one to tell, turning the radio up on a long drive even when I hat having to drive those long drives.
I know who I am in those quiet spaces, I have just never been in a postion to have so much of that space before.
Lisa Gray 