Life used to be much simpler. Binging House again for some reason. I started Cape Fear but couldn’t finish it.
I feel bad for my doctors after this. I will think I have every disease known to man. I was very disappointed last week in my level of service at my doctor visit. I love my GP, but they have her too overworked, and she wanted to talk about my kids more than my health. She wanted to be my therapist, but I am already being my own therapist right now. Not a good one.
One of the difficulties I am having is that I have never really been dumped before. I haven’t dated much in my whole life. I was married or living with my husband since I was 21, and now, over 50, I am in this new world.
That is not to say that I haven’t had crushes before that didn’t go anywhere, but even the all-consuming one I had during college, I got to reconnect with in my 40s. This is new territory for me. I am going to get over it eventually.
But today I saw a writing that talked about entitlement, and his message really did leave no room for argument, and I am not entitled to friendship or an explanation. My brain is going to create some crazy stories and explanations, but it really doesn’t matter, does it? When my husband and I were together, we said that nothing would part us unless one of us just didn’t want to be with the other.
That is the reality. He just doesn’t want me. And I have to live with that.
Lisa Gray 