Reciprocating

No, I am not talking about power tools. I am talking about love and sex as per usual.

I have a thing that I grapple with in all my big relationships. I think I have only ever been in love with two people in my life. Maybe. It is hard to know for sure when you haven’t met someone.

There is always that little bit of doubt that says you are not seeing all of them yet. Like, do you know someone you haven’t gone out with and seen them as they interact with other people? Are they rude to waitstaff? Do they get agitated easily? Anyway, that is not really the point.

I am thinking about how I have had relationships with people who are reciproromantic or reciprosexual. I have always known or felt that I and others are more demi, and as I get older, that is more so the case. So many things in my body affect the way I get aroused. I am already a woman and have a clitoris that is a bit buried. I am one of the 20-something percent who have not evolved and can have an orgasm by penetration alone. (An interesting evolution fact I just read recently. Crazy)

As women get older, we tend to get drier, and things do not run as smoothly as they used to. When I have someone I connect with, that is not a problem for me at all. Then add the energy they bring, and I have no words for the feelings that they induce.

I likely am not entirely on the recipro scale, but things work so much better when you have that energy that you share. When I can see their want and desires, then my desire for them has no limits.

Now, I have said all this wonderful stuff about connecting, but what happens when there is a disconnect? What happens when you are with someone else who is also reciprosexual and is looking for your energy to give energy? When you do it together, it is magical, but when things go off track for a second, it can be hard to get back on course.

I swear this is one of the biggest issues I’ve had in my marriage. It pops up in little things too, not just sex. It is about getting or giving any type of attention. When I want someone and want to love them, I want all of this to work out. I want it to be easier to figure out how I can be there for them in a way that makes them happy, makes them smile. Because it truly does make me happy. It makes me smile.

When I say their pleasure is mine, I really do mean it. And I really need to know it.