Too Sensitive

I was on TikTok today. It really is not something I do or get caught up in. I think I am too old for it. I randomly post and randomly check it.

Today I got a notification and went to see what it was and watched one thing and then got off.

That is my routine.

Today was an interesting one about Carl Jung and empathy.

I have always thought of myself in that way, as an empath. It comes from hyper vigilance. But even as a kid I remember understanding my mother in a way she did not think a 7 year old should understand or that she really understood herself. But really, she was just trying to do what she could to get us out of a situation and into a better life. She couldn’t see that he was not the right one to help do that, but I could from the very start.

That is what it is like, knowing something deep down you can’t explain.

People make fun of the word empath. Call people too sensitive. I witnessed someone I respected online say those hurtful things. It was years ago, and sometimes I forget.

You want to see the good in people. You want to hold on to the kindness you see in them.

You have no idea what people are truly like inside. There is no way to. Even me, on the outside I am all kindness and consideration. Wanting to please people.

Inside, not as much. Wanting to be loved, but by the people who just don’t want to love me back the way I want. It has happened a lot over the years, and I tell them I am happy with the way things are. Telling them I do not want to feel entitled to them. Excepting what they can give me in those moments.

That is not untrue. But I would be happier with so much more.