Smile

I have this song playing in my head this morning, and I don’t know why. I first heard it on My Girl 2.

Smile though your heart is aching / Smile even though it’s breaking / When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by

It reminds me of the old adage, fake it till you make it. I kind of hate that saying. I am not sure if it is helpful.

I am one who likes to be positive, but sometimes it is better to sit with your feelings. Feel all the feels. If you need to be upset for a while, do it and then get it out of your system. This was something I was terrible at when I was younger.

I actually had a funny conversation about this the other day. The point was made that I faked sick enough, I got my appendix takien out. The thing is, I had a high tolerance for pain, and my anxiety and pressing in emotions as a kid caused me to have tons of stomach problems. It seems I was faking it, but not really. My mom was worried and had no clue the emotional damage our household was putting on us. We were lucky to have a roof over our head and more food than we should have been eating.

She wasn’t afraid to take us to the doctor and find out we were faking it, and I wasn’t afraid to go because I always felt our doctor would find something.

Faking it that time wasn’t really a fake, but maybe it helped keep me out of a more harmful situation.

Nowadays, I like to think I am more open, but every now and then, I put on a smile and pretend everything is alright. Not for me, for them. I know they can’t change who they are, and my feelings are just that, mine.