Have you thought about that? I saw a post today about this that asked, “What do you want this year?” It was talking about the kinds of kink scenes you want to participate in or see, but it opened up my mind to other things as well.
So much of Kink is wrapped up in my way of relating to people and partners. I have always been someone who has power imbalance in my relationships. It comes from being controlled by my mother.
I am getting older, and a lot of what I want is peace. The feeling of being settled, but there is still room in my mind for passion. My body may cooperate eventually.
One thing I think about is how I have many connections that either treat me like a sex object or only see me as a friend. What do I want? I want both. I want that mix. I want to have someone feel about me the way I feel about them. I know there are people I like who do not like me back the way I like them, and that is okay. I know there are people who like me in that way, but I just don’t like them back.
One day, I hope to find someone emotionally available, passionate, and obsessed with me. The way I want to be obsessed with them. In a healthy way. In a way that we can be friends and lovers. Want to be around them and talk to them, and not talk and don’t always have to rip each other’s clothes off, but sometimes do. The kind of person I can sit in their lap, cuddled up with them, playing with my hair. Forehead kisses. Arms wrapped around each other. And that sigh of contentment.
I really wish I could hear that sigh. That is what I want.
Lisa Gray 