Thankful

On today’s episode, we are supposed to feel thankful.

I have several roofs available to cover me. There is so much food in front of me even though my stomach can’t even eat my share. I have kids and family that are still alive and mostly gathered together.

But still unsettled, still wanting, still struggling with the energy in the room. There is always so much tension and I keep hearing the phrase, are you sure you are alright?

And some here are not. It is obvious. We will one day just order Chinese food and not invite everyone and their mama.

I just stay out of the way. Keep myself in a corner in that window of being here and dissociating.

And I am still thankful. It could be so much worse. When you have had the privilege of feeling certain things it is harder to not have it but at least I had it. Whether it was real or not it was mine for a little while.