I have been thinking a lot about the stage in my life. It’s that in between stage where you feel things will be changing soon but you don’t know exactly what that looks like.
I am still living for other people, but watching my oldest being an adult has me more focused on what happens when they are all gone.
In some ways, big things will happen in a few short years and I am both parts ready and not.
As an adult, I work to pay for things and I chose to work for someone else, to be of service, to get the benefits of that pension that is coming.
But retirement for those of us in public service isn’t that beneficial. You choose public service for other reasons not involving money.
The last few years have been rough because I haven’t felt like I am valued or of service in my job. I can retire soon but I won’t have enough money to live the way I have.
But today I was thinking it is not just about the money. I want to do something that feeds my soul. Watching my kids make decisions about their future has really made me shine a light on this idea.
I want the laziness of no responsibility but not really. I will get bored fast. I need to interact with others in meaningful ways. I need to have experiences.
It is a struggle for me to see how I can do that realistically, but I need to make it happen and find a way to live for me that doesn’t exclude feeding off of others.
Lisa Gray 