Choosing which Relationships are High-Stakes (and so many lessons from the show, Breeders)

So lately, I have been diving into a bit of a crush on Martin Freeman (for reasons).

This past week I finished binging a show of his on Hulu called Breeders. It really is a good show and so relatable in the worst ways right now. There have been many things presented that have made me reflect on my own life and the direction I want it to take.

But there was one conversation in the last season that I thought was interesting between father and son. When the son was able to see his father in his work environment, he noticed a huge difference. He noted how happy and carefree he seemed in that environment versus at home.

The father made an interesting point about how the relationships at home are more high-stakes than the relationships at work. I found that interesting to think on and how the show minimizes the dad’s work life throughout. It is there in the background, but it just isn’t the focus. The mom’s work life comes into play a lot more often.

But one thing I was thinking about was how I grew up over here in the States, and perceived a much different attitude toward work and family. As a child, I also grew up in a home with parents’ anger issues. Add to that the neglect that most Generation X kids found themselves in, and that perception was that work was always more high-stakes and more important. Our parents saw it differently, I am sure, where money is how the world works, and being successful in life meant being successful in your job, and having a “career” was more important at times to focus on, so that you had the money for the kids. As a parent now, I can see that perspective, but as a daughter growing up with the parents I had, it is difficult to work through some of that, especially when there was more going on under the surface, including generational trauma that I still struggle with trying to break.

The other part of this, too, is that it feels safer to share our feelings within our immediate family unit. I try to remind myself of this all the time as my youngest is still in a stage of acting out big feelings and struggling with how to cope. I also am scared about pushing my coping mechanisms on her and making her bottle them up or hide them so she can be seen as compliant or whatever nonsense we were taught as kids to remain quiet and out of sight, seen and not heard.

But still struggling with the balance of everything, especially as inflation hits my salary a bit harder and our kids are nice and spread out, so that we are helping one kid pay for college just as we divested ourselves of childcare costs, finally.