Protest Behavior
What the heck is that?
To be honest, I am not 100% sure. I did not read the whole book.
But if you are interested in attachment theory, check out Attached by Levine (Polysecure is another popular title to find.)
There are also tons of online quizzes, and your attachment style is based on childhood relationships and bonding but can be overcome. I learned to be preoccupied/avoidant from my mom. (Such a wonderful woman with so many lessons to give like sarcasm and passive aggression. I have worked on that last one at least.)
But back to protest behavior. Basically, someone who is not securely attached to their partner will get triggered when they sense distance or any kind of behavior change that makes them feel insecure. They decide they want to test that relationship.
This can look like a lot of things:
- Pick fights
- Overreacting or being extremely sensitive to things where they feel slighted
- “Everything’s Fine” (Hint: It’s not fine, they are not doing well.)
- Either bombard with texts and overcommunicate or ignore them completely.
- Tantrums (this may be a favorite among middles and littles)
- Threaten to end the relationship
- Being emotionally or physically clingy to help combat the fear of abandonment.
The problem with these behaviors is you are not communicating and working on the issue at hand.
With my avoidant attachment style, I tend to do things on the ignoring side of the spectrum so that my partners will chase me, but it never works that way and I am depriving myself of the attention I was getting.
How can I work through my feelings if I put someone on mute so I do not see their activity? I am just putting it off. If I stop liking or commenting on their posts, I just put myself out of their mind.
When I do the ignoring thing, I am also not feeding my partners any energy. So If my mind is complaining that I am not being fed any sexy energy, how does not feeding them any energy at all help?
Lisa Gray 