Feeding Myself

I wasn’t thinking about writing today. I was reading. Sometimes you have to feed your brain things. You need to inspire yourself.

Most of the time I let Fet or Daddy feed me. I take a word, and I run with it. I think of a conversation we had, and I go with that. I have even plagiarized a word or two from him. Please do not tell my students.

I was reading for a book club today, Theo of Golden. It took me some time to get into, and I am not sure if the slow pace was worth the payoff at the end. But it was a sweet story. Simple.

Sometimes that is all you need, simple.

My mind sometimes has a hard time conjuring up all the intricacies of my desires and what is possible with a partner. I have been asked before in negotiating scenes what it is I want. How do I want to feel?

But I don’t always have that in my head. I just want to connect with someone. I want what they want. I want to feel them enjoy me. I want them to show they are having fun.

Connection, though, is the important part. Sometimes I miss the life I used to live. The parties and promiscuity, the enjoyment of just enjoying people. But connection is more important to me now.

It would be nice to have someone present in a way where there was more physical connection, but connecting to my mind is so much more important.

I wish I knew how to connect to something simple. Simply me and them both connecting to each other.