Last year, about this time, I had an online dynamic end. The reason was a lack of intimacy. This is something that comes up a lot. Something I have seen in other people and their connections, too.
Fet is a social media site and not necessarily a dating site. But people use it for that, and the powers that be keep adding things to make it easier for that, too. There is a new crush matching feature. Yes, I used it, and no, they haven’t crushed me back.
One thing I notice on the site is how people approach you. There are many people who want a quick fix. They lead with sex, and they don’t hide it. But some of us are looking for more, or not really looking at all, for various reasons.
I see that even those who want more want that intimacy that I can’t seem to get, but they still lead with sex. They use the context of the site to direct them. It is a kink site, and that is what people share. They don’t dig deeper, and they certainly don’t share anything deeper.
I wish I had better skills at this, but I do it too. I let the other person lead, and if they are someone I have a reaction to, I let them take me wherever they want to go. So if they don’t share, I won’t share. If they don’t ask good questions and show curiosity, then I won’t either. If I try to make the effort and I get shut down, then I stop.
One thing about the site, though. I do learn a lot about myself with every interaction.
Lisa Gray 