I have been reading. The book club I am in read The Secret Diary of Hendrik Groen, 83¼ Years Old.
This was not quite the feel-good book for me that I hoped. I had one or two moments of wishing I had a certain pill I could put in my pocket for later.
Thinking about that now as I sit in the second emergency room for the night. Not me as the patient or the parent, as my phone suggested.
But that is not what I just finished reading. I needed a palate cleanser. I started a series about a romance writer (Lucy Score’s Stone Lake series), and you would not believe all the relatable things in the two books I have read so far.
One character has adhd and I could not have related to a character more, although I likely don’t have adhd or have never been diagnosed. I’m just a mess in general.
I feel like I need to share some of my notes, though, just so you see what has affected me.
“Decide what you want. Be relentless in your pursuit of it. Because no one in this world is going to hand you what you want, no matter how much they love you or how well they know you.””
— Story of My Life (Story Lake Book 1) by Lucy Score
How true is that? And if we don’t say what we want, how will we ever have a chance to get it?
“And you’re wasting your time worrying about types and all that other garbage. You only get one life. Some of us might as well have some fun living it.” She clomped”
— Mistakes Were Made (Story Lake Book 2) by Lucy Score
We don’t have all the time in the world, so why do we sit around and waste it? Why do we not pursue the thing? I still have a few years left, but not as many as last year so I want to work toward those things I want.
““If you know these guys are so horrible, why do you go out with them?” “Don’t know. Just broken, I guess,” she said airily. “Disco.” She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Uh, I guess maybe because they can’t surprise me. I know exactly what to expect, and I’m not inconvenienced by their departure.””
— Mistakes Were Made (Story Lake Book 2) by Lucy Score
First, disco is code for you must tell the truth. I like that. I like the safety of having that and finding someone you can be honest with.
Also, sometimes you find people and talk to them because you know you are safe in a way that means they can’t hurt you. Sometimes the emotional masochist in me likes being hurt. Hurt is a feeling just as much as happiness and love are, and when so many feelings have been absent from your life, it feels good to have something fill the hole, but your mind always tries to find the peace, no matter how it thinks it has to get there.
“Yes, Gage. The entire world revolves around you. Everything I do is to get you to notice me.””
— Mistakes Were Made (Story Lake Book 2) by Lucy Score
I think she was being sarcastic, which I am a huge fan of, but this seems like one of those things I would pretend was wrong, but isn’t. I do want him to notice me.
““Or did you used to interrupt others but got corrected as a kid so now you spend all your effort in every conversation trying not to interrupt while still holding on to the point you wanted to share until you realize you’re not even hearing what’s being said?””
— Mistakes Were Made (Story Lake Book 2) by Lucy Score
Ok. This is something I totally do. The main character finally finds out that there is nothing wrong with her; she is not a failure, she is just likely to have ADHD.
“Why spend time and energy bringing yourself up to mediocre when you could spend that same time and energy getting exponentially better at what you’re already good at? What’s going to get you better results?””
— Mistakes Were Made (Story Lake Book 2) by Lucy Score
We don’t have to be good at everything.
““You know, I used to be like everyone else. I wanted to have someone look past all my flaws to the special, unseen beauty that everyone else missed. I wanted to have that person who made me think anything was possible. Who could prop me up when I got shaky, who would even out my deficiencies, maybe even find them charming. But not everyone gets to have that.”
— Mistakes Were Made (Story Lake Book 2) by Lucy Score
Yes, I fucking want that. But maybe I had it. Maybe you just get one chance.
“Will you come home with me and let me touch you until we both forget everything else?””
— Mistakes Were Made (Story Lake Book 2) by Lucy Score
I mean, isn’t that what we all want?
“But I don’t wanna talk to real people. I wanna hang out with the fictional ones in my head.””
— Mistakes Were Made (Story Lake Book 2) by Lucy Score
And this is why it is hard to get. I want the man in my head sometimes.
“Have you ever felt that way about anything else? Like you just see it and you know it’s meant for you?””
— Mistakes Were Made (Story Lake Book 2) by Lucy Score
But I have hope for this.
There were more things. But Book Report over. I will stop and just leave you with one more.
““What do you want, Mom?” Her smile was dreamy, her lipstick still perfect. “That’s easy. I want to be adored.””
— Story of My Life (Story Lake Book 1) by Lucy Score
That is all any of us want, right? To be adored.
Lisa Gray 