I have to admit something. Most of my recent kink life has been in my head, with words, with writings, with flirtations online, and an online dynamic.
I love the mental game of it. But for some reason, my body has decided that it is old. I went through perimenopause early and in the middle of menopause. There is no medication or hormone replacement that has helped me. The brain fog can be helped a bit by cream, but any time I take something with estrogen, I get migraines.
So I have just been dealing with it. Getting exercise and trying to eat healthy ish.
The new thing in the past few months is osteoporosis. Yes, I am in my 50s with an old lady problem. I have lost 1/2 an inch this year, and my doctors have me on a new injection to help me grow bones. My stomach can’t handle the normal pills they usually give.
It is all sorts of weird in the side effects. Jaw pain, tooth problems, joint pain, fatigue, circulation issues, and hopefully, I will not get a stroke or heart attack in the year I have to take these.
The funny thing with my aging is that when I have someone who feeds me sexual energy, I have no problem orgasming or getting wet. I could masturbate every day and come multiple times.
But my body right now doesn’t give me the energy for the more physical stuff. And my mind has an issue with keeping its head in the game of life. Things I used to feel proud of in my ability and value are now gone, at least for the moment.
I am trying to continue feeding my head with kinky thoughts and hoping this is not the end of blow jobs and impact play for me, or connecting with people. It has helped me look at kink through a different lens and focus more on those power exchange connections and thoughts.
The mind game has always been important to me, and I will have to rely on it for a little bit longer.
Lisa Gray 