Timing

In another life / I would be your girl / We keep all our promises / Be us against the world / In another life / I would make you stay / So I don't have to say / You were the one that got away . . . All this money can't buy me a time machine, no / Can't replace you with a million rings, no / I should've told you what you meant to me, woah / 'Cause now I pay the price. (Katy Perry)

It is not a teleporter I need, but a time machine. I would put myself in front of him at just the right time before the hurt that made us who we are now. Maybe then we could be somebody to each other. He could plant his seed deep inside me and mark me, bind me to him in a way that matched what he meant to me. 

There is a phrase he said to me at the beginning that struck me. It wasn’t just the idea of a breeding kink. It was exactly how he phrased it. I wish I could remember his exact words, but the idea was that he would like to go back and have babies together. The idea of him wanting that made me melt so hard, but it wasn’t just that. It was his phrasing of it. I had said almost the exact words to someone else before.

There is. a point where I question whether something is too perfect. Am I deserving of this, or am I being conned for some reason? These are two different ideas, and the mix of those emotions tends to make me more vulnerable to wanting more. And I did want more from him.