I have a hard time sometimes with distinguishing the line between asking for reassurance and regulating emotions. We sometimes get into that position where we want to blame people for our own feelings. Maybe their actions triggered feelings, but the feelings are ours to manage either by processing or figuring out better boundaries, which are things for us to do and not rules you set on someone else.
But at the same time, it can be so easy to offer some reassurance without taking the blame on yourself or providing a crutch for someone not to do the work.
I have met a few people who can do this well, but not many. And I can tell you for sure, I am not good. I am a big enabler. This comes out all the time with me and my youngest. I do not know how to teach this lesson or reason with her in a way she understands, and she feels free to have big feelings with me because she knows I will take it. And I like to tell myself it is because I am providing a safe space for her. But that thinking is getting harder to sell.
Lisa Gray 