I have my AMA’s turned on on Fet, and someone asked me whether I was poly and had play partners. If you have been following me here, you will know that is pretty complicated to answer.
I am technically single for the first time. I have been living a poly lifestyle for years, though, and I am not sure that isn’t part of why I disconnected from my husband over the years. (It did affect our relationship in good and bad ways.)
I also had a fantasy of Daddy swooping in and taking me away, and us living a mostly monogamous life. He painted a picture of his life and future that sounded very appealing, and I could imagine sweeping into it with him. Having that option taken away, even though it was never really there to begin with, feels devastating, yes, but an opportunity to think about myself and what I want.
I have always molded myself around others. I have always gone with the flow of things. Let things happen. I have never been in this position of thinking about my wants and needs. And the reality is, I don’t need anything right now. I am ok for now. I have been so lucky to experience all the things.
What that means is when I say I want to be with someone, it adds something to my life. If I were to consider what I want for my future, it is that time again when you meet that person who feels right and slips into your life in just such a way that it feels natural.
I want love to happen in that romantic way with someone who will want me viciously. Someone to hurt me and take the pain away. Someone who knows the effect they have and takes advantage of it in the most delicious ways.
Primal, kinky, romantic.
Lisa Gray 