Mistakes

I happened to click on a document that had a collection of my writings I have posted here and other places. When I clicked, it landed on a post I made about a mistake. Then, clicking on someone’s photo and I see a caption talking about how you can’t erase those mistakes because it has made you who you are.

But sometimes, I really do wish I could go back. I wouldn’t erase everything, but there are things I would want to do differently. The thought of allowing Daddy to be here now and punish me for what I have done and for us to move on is so enticing. I wish it were that simple. I wish that the Us we were working on had the ability to move forward like that.

I know it doesn’t, though, and I can only go forward. And there is the hope of it all making sense at some point in time. Of answers to questions being stated clearly. And maybe just maybe I will feel something again. Maybe I will see why things had to happen that way, why there had to be a beginning and an end.

Maybe endings shouldn’t be so scary.

But if I did have one wish, I would get to meet him at least once. Get to feel his sadist on me and then feel the Daddy in him. Get to feel his energy combine with mine if only for a moment.