I posted a picture last week for a photo challenge group. It is not really about the pictures anymore for me but the captions. I like this particular group because they ask you to be thoughtful. This past week, the theme was the comeback. I made a rambling mess of it because I am not sure how I feel about having a comeback. I think it is more about the journey.
I will share what I wrote:
It doesn’t always hit you suddenly. Sometimes you look back and realize you are done. Sometimes you stop making excuses for others or, really, for yourself. You stop saying this is just the way you are, and you are more able to accept certain behaviors as you watch others say what they are willing to accept or not. That is not you. You are different. Slowly, you realize maybe you are not so different, and you are just waiting. Maybe the things you thought you wanted are not what you really want. Maybe you do like that feeling of being chosen. Maybe you can become addicted to that instead. And what others do not understand is the trust and the adventurous spirit that comes out when you feel you are chosen and secure in the knowledge of being someone’s, what you wouldn’t do for them if they gave you that space of belonging. But you still have to be yourself, too. You can be theirs and be you. You can ask for what you want and give them what they want. You do not have to be afraid of speaking your truth and wanting more, even if more is just seeing the proof that you put a smile on their face.
I was talking about Daddy’s smile. I want that more than anything. Well, maybe not more than just having him as a life partner. I still dream that dream.
After having an online dynamic where you have no idea how many other people are involved in a person’s life, it is nice to feel chosen. I want him to know that I chose him, too. I choose romance and obedience and ownership and hopefully love.
A lot of the reflection above is about rethinking that poly lifestyle and going back to that Pretty Woman dream of the knight rescuing the princess and the princess rescuing him right back.
Lisa Gray 