Pleasure in Sadness

Sitting in an emotion masochism class this morning. There is so much here that is relatable. I love the community I find online that offers space for growth and learning. But it is nice too to get to listen to people who help validate your experiences or help you put a name to things.

I am an emotional masochist, and sometimes I take pleasure in sitting in sadness, where maybe I like listening to sad songs or reading stories that hit on my trauma. As a teen, I absolutely loved horror and fear-based stories.

Sadness isn’t the only emotion there is, though, as the presenter pointed out. I was thinking about my relationship with my Daddy and how sometimes I subconsciously try to stay in a confused state about how he feels, or where we are in the relationship, or where we are going. When my mind gets a hit on that, it wants to wallow in it. It isn’t always healthy. I can lose out on the happiness that can be there for me to dig into, but for some, happiness is also uncomfortable (another point from the presenter that I can absolutely relate to). When you are not used to happiness, it can be uncomfortable. You can question it and worry it won’t stay. It is helpful to realize you do deserve that emotion, even if at times you want to dive into sadness.