Rituals

I was thinking about rituals this morning. Over the years, I have incorporated several into my dynamics. Some are about things others want from me, and some are about me and what I need to be in the proper headspace.

I have always used baths as rituals and self-care. This past week, I did not have my tub and space, which made me feel very off. I am a creature of habit and routine, and now that I am back on my usual routine, I am noticing the things that are missing.

Good morning texts with selfies have been a part of my routine for the last few years. Even though I have not stopped checking in with Daddy, that dynamic and ritual has ended (which was very apparent to me this morning and created all sorts of feelings).

It amazes me how much I have relied on something small like that. We all have those things in our lives that we cling to. For some of us, these routines are a part of how we get through our lives without too much mental strife and discomfort. We have to have something steady like that to feel secure.

I know I will eventually replace this with something else, likely more mundane and less emotional, and that makes me sad. The ritual itself helped connect me to feelings I don’t want to end, but I know it isn’t within my control, and that makes it so much harder to deal with.