🎶Baby (I will be your father figure)
Oh, baby (put your tiny hand in mine)
I'd love to (I will be your preacher, teacher)
Be your daddy (anything you have in mind)
(It would make me)
Very happy (I have had enough of crime)
Please, let me (I will be the one who loves you)
'Til the end of time🎶
Father Figure by George Michael
Yes, I have Daddy issues. My father and his father were both dead by the time I was one, and when I was seven, a new one came in that did not fit the role very well at all. He was brought in for financial support. He had a house and a steady income. That is what he provided, and not much else other than an angry disposition, no good experience or knowledge in how to interact with kids, and dementia setting in.
Other father figures, like uncles and grandfathers, came in and out of our lives in very inconsistent ways. The one uncle I would have related to the most had to leave the nest and live away from his mother, something I understood and could relate to later. As a child, I thought my grandmother was the best kind of person and couldn’t see what her children saw. But that is usually the way of it, isn’t it?
I was desperate for love and attention, too. Not understanding the combination of avoidant and controlling that my mother was. Not having that father figure in my life who touched with care and support instead of anger and sexual need. I lived off the escape of romance novels and movies, and all sorts of attention I shouldn’t have gotten from men was gone by the time I should have been ready for it.
I missed that healthy father figure role when I was younger, so naturally, I have adopted it in my romantic relationships. This is how kink and BDSM can provide that for me in a healthier way.
It gives me an outlet for that longing I have for a protective and nurturing relationship with someone. Someone to care for me and keep me safe, who can also provide guidance and discipline when I need it.
This is why I gravitate toward someone who wants to play the role of Daddy. I do not regress. I do not have to be or act like a child to get that care. I just want love in that way.
Lisa Gray 