I had a really good night last night, staying up and talking to Daddy. It was so good, and I was thinking about the confidence I have about how this relationship is going to work out. It is weird because somehow, I felt the connection from the beginning, which scares me. I won’t lie and say I have trusted the rightness the whole time. Doubts always creep in when you are an overthinker like me.
I did not just magically become an overthinker. It took years and years of relationships with family and friends to make me feel I was hard to love or not worthy of something good. My mother and grandmother drilled that into me from a very young age, and other family members and friends did things to make me think I was only good for one thing.
It has taken years and good relationships to help build myself up from a very low point. It can be hard for people with trauma to think they are deserving of love and hard to take in someone who genuinely wants to love them in all the right ways. I have seen patterns with others where they choose partners that need them. They want to be the ones who care for others because no one has cared for them. Or they fall for people who manipulate them and purposely use their trauma to create a toxic relationship that benefits only them.
It doesn’t mean they are hard to love, though. It just takes patience and the right fit.
Lisa Gray 