Fear

Fear can be a powerful emotion to play with, especially as an emotional masochist. I love my body’s response to fear. I love being scared. I love all the things that come with knowing I am no longer in control, which can be the scariest thing of all. 

But, I was looking at a writing challenge, and that is not necessarily the fear we were asked to write about. 

What is “Fear” really? Is it a warning or a wall? In this challenge, explore how fear shows up in your relationships, your choices, your desires. Where does it hold power? And what would life look like if you moved through it instead of around it?

Fear can sometimes be triggered within me not by outside sources but by my mind’s tendency to tell a story. Communication is the ultimate bully here. If there are a lot of holes in the way I communicate with someone, then that leaves places for my mind to fill in the details. It leaves places for someone else to make assumptions about what I am feeling when I don’t share, too.

Fear can swoop in and help create some of those stories. Fear likes to tell you the way someone else is feeling. It likes to tell you how you are not good enough. It likes to give you explanations for others’ actions. In the latter, it may be a warning. It can be a tool for you to see that maybe you need to communicate to get clarity on something. It may not be as scary as you think. 

But fear can be used as a wall. It can make you feel a need to hold back. It can be a breeding ground for self-sabotage. 

If I am not good enough now, I will never be good enough. If I am never good enough, what is the point? 

They are going to eventually leave me, so why open myself up and be vulnerable? 

Can you imagine a world where you move through that? Can you imagine communicating these fears and the person you are with creating a safe space for them?

I know it is crazy to think there are people out there who will actually reassure you when you ask for that. They are not all gaslighters. You can find someone who communicates well and gives you the space and reassurance you need to work through your fears, and you can offer that type of space to them. 

I hope that in the future, I can challenge my fears and use them as a tool instead of seeing them as a roadblock to our happiness.