Do You Remember?

Do you remember the time, you know, that time when everything was fresh and new?

I do. I remember seeing your face for the first time. I remember reading your words. The fantasies we created together were so much more than just words, though.

It seemed like a pull for me. There was something that was there that I couldn’t turn away from. It was more than just the hope of play or even ownership. It was the fantasy you created. The heady mix of being with someone you could see yourself surrender to on more than just one level. There was a chemistry there and something else beyond that. The push and pull was easy. It was the right mix. You didn’t shy away from the sadist in you as you shared the Daddy in you.

But then there was more suddenly—things I forgot I wanted and dared not ask for, things that went beyond that strong bond that came with the dynamic.

I felt ready for you to take control. I felt a need and a hunger for you that I never felt. I didn’t understand or believe in that primal connection and wasn’t sure it was meant for me, but I was ready for you to prove me wrong.

Then the darkness came. Was it my darkness or yours? The fantasies started taking a different turn. I was fed all these feelings of wanting you to hurt me. Did you feel that? Did you create it?

We were no longer talking about just a hand to the throat, were we? The excitement I felt and the hope of experiencing things I had never done was almost too much to handle. I was so impatient for you. I got sloppy. I got that frenzy that people talked about. I missed the signs. Then, when I saw them, I didn’t care.

When we joked about the chase and you catching me, I wasn’t really sure how real that was.

Now as I lay here strapped to your bed with no hope of ever leaving, I am not sure leaving is really anything I will ever hope for.