Reading something today about the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. Like all myths, there is a lesson hidden in the tale. This one is about selfish love. A love that is all-consuming but focused on what you get out of it for yourself instead of the love you give. It touches on insecurity in that love as well.
I am not going to retell the tale or review the writing I read about it. It just made me reflect on my relationships as it compares to this all-consuming love. I still feel there is a balance in dynamics between that interdependence and giving someone room to breathe. I was really hit by this writing and that last idea.
We sometimes see people in the role they play for us without seeing them as the humans they are. I like trying to dig into those pieces of humanness that get shared with me. It can be a struggle, though when I only get part of that and not the whole person. It is like they see themselves as a role for you as well and keep you at a distance.
The problem can be that they do not give themselves time to be human and then when they need a break and need to be human for a while, they feel like they have to step away. This is me making assumptions and trying to figure out other people, though.
My work and growth here needs to be to allow that space and not be hurt by the way others deal with their own humanness. I can’t dictate how I want that to look like for me when it is their issue to deal with.
The hardest lesson I have learned over the years especially as I got into a more ENM lifestyle, is I can’t be a fixer. I do this so I can make problems go away and I can keep my peace. I need to figure out another way to fulfill that need for myself without pushing it off on someone else.
I can be just as insecure as Orpheus and certain behaviors and attachment styles bring fuel to that fire. If I can recognize this, maybe I can give myself room to breathe as I let them have their room to breathe.
Lisa Gray 