https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTYXHenAQ/
JJ Abram’s daughter just completely captured my thoughts. Again, music has come through to help me articulate what I am feeling. So many of the lyrics here I found to be relatable to me right now in this moment, but also in the past.
Guess I'm just scared of you shooting it down
You can just talk, and I'll stare at your mouth
It could be bad, but I wanna find out
And I wake up
In the middle of the night
With the light on
And I feel like I could die
'Cause you're not here
And it don't feel right
'Cause you're not here
God, I'm actually invested
Haven't even met him
Watch this be the wrong thing
Classic
God, I'm jumping in the deep end
It's more fun to swim in
Heard the risk is drownin', but I'm gonna take it
I'm gonna take it
Isn't it fun?
Thinking I'm right when I'm probably wrong
Holding my breath like I met someone
Knowing damn well that I haven't been touched by you
I haven’t even met him or touched him but he feels so real to me.
I have had a few connections in my life that I have never met, but there is something about them that draws me in and makes them seem more real than they are. There is hope that they will be real. But the part of the lyrics above hit me, and I did jump in. I do get invested quickly especially if I see that energy from them. There may be a small part of me that holds back a little, but if they jump, I jump.
I have been debating if this is just me and I want it so bad I go for it, or is it that I might be on the spectrum and the idea of being a mimic is more me masking.
We could try to self-diagnose ourselves or use labels, but what does it matter? It doesn’t. I am just me and they are just them and we can decide to move as fast or as slow as we want together. That is part of the excitement.
Lisa Gray 