I love you
I know you do
His hand touches my face as he says I know. A kiss on the forehead follows. It is not the words replicated, but sometimes the actions are just as good, sometimes better.
We had one more night here. One more night in this cocoon we had created away from the rest of the world.
I am trying my best not to think of tomorrow and what follows. It would have been easier if there were no chemistry. Easier to think this connection was just fabricated in our minds. Nothing but limerance. Nothing but our minds wanting something that wasn’t really there.
That is not what I found, though. I think I knew that from the start. I knew he was more real to me than what I could imagine. There was a connection and energy that my mind and body were telling me. It didn’t matter where we were in the world. Something drew us together, whether it was only online.
Sometimes these online dynamics and relationships are easy. You know that it will never go anywhere, so you just enjoy it for what it is.
This never felt that way. This never felt like just fun and no attachments. I don’t know why, but I always knew this had the power to hurt, and I knew the real hurt would start tomorrow.
Tonight was a different type of hurt. A hurt that brought my focus to this place and time. The kind that did a world of good to help me focus on Him.
That is what I have needed for some time. A way to focus. His hands, His belt, His words grounding me and connecting me to Him.
Tomorrow I will focus on the soreness and the marks. The kind of marks that let me know I am worth owning.
But now, I focus on one more night.
Lisa Gray 