Do you ever hear yourself say those lines as a woman. You know those times when you are saying that but you really mean, Yeah, she would be perfect for him. He deserves someone like her, not me. Thats not me. I can’t be like her.
I sometimes make those judgements and it is not always about looks, either. My brain will pick up on things I think they would match on. It is a hold over from childhood trauma. It is me taking a back seat because I think people deserve better than me.
I saw a picture today where I said that to myself. It is funny because it reminds me of another memory of going to a party and people volunteering to do sexy and kinky things. I would hold back especially the first few parties I went to. I would see someone that was more outgoing and more obvious about wanting to participate and I would think, She really wants this and she should be able to have it.
Or maybe it is me wanting to play with someone or wanting to be tied up by someone and seeing the long line of people that want the same thing. I will just sit here and wait. Maybe eventually I will get a turn.
Do you see how that completely negates the other persons choice? What if they actually would prefer you over someone else? They may not, but at least if you ask they may be kind and tell you truthfully yes or no.
I do not know if I will ever get rid of that voice, but at least I now recognize it and tell it to shut up every now and then.
Lisa Gray 