I was reading a writing today about a fantasy someone had. She had gotten some comments about how good it was, and it was good writing. But one or two made comments about how great it must have been to experience. She let them know it was just a fantasy for now.
That is the world I live in sometimes. It is just a fantasy. That may not be where I want to stay, but that is where I am. It is a hard to balance and hard to not get caught up in it. Hard to leave the rest of the world behind for something that you can’t hold in your hands just yet.
I may have the capability to make things real in time, but not everyone does. Some things are too insurmountable.
But I want the real. I want to put in the effort and see my partner want it, too. I want to feel that desire. In the past few years, that is what I have been missing with those who came before. They wanted to keep me in that fantasy world. Build me into what they wanted. Use me on their time when it is convenient for them.
I am finally getting to a place where I don’t just feel I want more; I feel I should be able to have more. Maybe it is too much to say right now that I deserve more, but I want to get there, too.
Lisa Gray 