I had a friend today write about a partner and what it is he is expecting from her.
It made her think about how she has always defined being a good girl.
I think this is a very individual thing. We don’t have to define it in one way.
For me it is about figuring out what your partner wants. That’s how I see it and enjoy that puzzle of trying to get it right.
But today I thought about who I am instead of what I try to become. A lot of what goes wrong in my dynamics is me becoming who they want instead of being who I am and I can’t keep that up.
But who I am is a bit more complicated. That is what I realized today. The me that lived through trauma is the obedient one. The one that needs to make sure you get exactly what you want and need out of me. The one that anticipates and tries to know what you want before you have to ask. She can be the service sub.
The problem is I have done lots of healing and the more healing I do, the less I fit into that mold. I always thought the brat is me healing, but the complications come when the brat isn’t me either. She is the obedient one that anticipates your needs and recognizes your need for me to be a brat.
Maybe I just can’t get away from being the good girl.
Lisa Gray 