How do you define yourself

Watching Married at First Sight Season 10 Australia. It is really making me think about this question. There is one woman who, at the start, I thought I would identify with. She was older than the rest and concerned about her sex life. The way they edited their story really pushed the divorced, older, sexless woman trope, and it seems like she was pushing for sex to be her main identity.

I actually started feeling bad for her partner. He was a man who struggled with his identity after divorce. He had a really vulnerable moment, sharing how he was no longer a husband and had to be a part-time dad and did not know how to deal with the loss of identity and loneliness that comes with that. She had a chance to dig in to find out more or offer comfort and support to say he didn’t have to be alone anymore. There was so much she could have done, and instead, she skipped straight into explaining why a sex life is so much more important to her and how it defines her life now.

This is edited in this way on purpose to create more drama, but it also made me think about me and how a lot of my time outside of work and family responsibilities is about sex and kink, reading and writing about it more than doing it, honestly.

I think we all have those hobbies we are really into, but do they define us? Are you a deeper person underneath all that? Even in dynamics where you want it 24/7 and you want to serve your partner, you are still a human underneath all of that. The good partners see all of you and want to get to know all of you.

Are you leaving space for them to be all of themselves as well, or are you treating them like a kink dispenser or a sex toy?