Heartbreaker

I have to say this is something I am really good at. I see the red flags. I see the weird fit that just doesn’t fit at all and I push through.

Maybe we don’t even get that far. Maybe it is all in my head. I create a fantasy of a person and a fantasy of what we could be together. It is not real and I just have to deal with that.

A lot of times I see people heartbroken and laying blame to another person. Maybe they are a bad guy. Maybe they do have narcissistic tendencies or are abusive in some way. Maybe they just are not who you thought they were. Maybe they did not match the person you created in your head.

Maybe the timing was just not right. One thing I have learned is I am the heartbreaker here. I put myself in these situations sometimes by happenstance and sometimes by a weird subconscious rejection dysmorphia thing. I am not a therapist, I do not really know, but I see myself do it to myself. Maybe I even project the hurt elsewhere or try to use someone else to heal it. I move my hyperfocus onto someone else to lessen the pain.

Sometimes we lash out at others because they might not be what we need at the moment. However, I know that I am in charge of my feelings. I will work through it. I will get over it. It is no one else’s job to make me feel better in this circumstance.